谁说站在光里的才算英雄？在抗癌路上，他是一名“孤勇者”

穿越绝境之后，我依旧热爱生活

Seeing the world as it is and loving it

Recently a song called Lonely Warrior has become very popular, especially among those in kindergarten or primary school. I love this song too. In fact, I have kind of become obsessed with it, but my reasons for liking it may be different from those of others.

Six years ago after hosting a school’s annual ceremony, I found my left leg was a little swollen, and very soon I could barely walk. In fact the swollen part became a fist-sized meat ball that was extremely painful, so much so that I could barely sleep. Of course I went to a local hospital, where I was given very bleak news. This growth was a malignant tumor called osteosarcoma, which means bone cancer.

Over the next two years I underwent chemotherapy, and it was the worst time of my life. Physically, I felt that the side effects of chemotherapy were killing me. I lost all my bodily hair and was totally bald. I could barely eat anything even if I felt hungry. I no longer needed an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. Instead what woke me was my body telling me I needed to vomit.

I had no idea where all this treatment would leave me, and the dreams I had once nursed about the future were entirely wiped out.

It was incredibly frustrating, and yet I felt there was no one I could talk to. In fact my parents were unaware that I knew I had cancer. I was deeply depressed until one  afternoon before undergoing some surgery. My parents and I went to a beautiful park near the hospital, with me in a wheelchair.

The park was called Yuyuantan. It was spring and the weather was beautiful. There was a lake, and many people were on boats in the middle of it. Many old people were playing all types of instruments. I heard people laughing and babies crying. I heard birds singing and saw flowers blooming.

For me it seemed I was the only one suffering, overwhelmed by the pain of the world.  Any emotion between people was entirely theirs to enjoy, as was happiness. I felt I had nothing and it seemed so unfair. I was young and should be looking forward to infinite possibilities. I did not want my life to end this way.

I wanted to feel the world and experience more, and I stuck to the course of treatment. However, as time went by, I became weaker and weaker, and the side effects were far worse than they had been earlier.

For financial reasons my parents had to go back to work, and for a long time I faced my time in hospital alone. Yet I acted like a warrior in fighting against all of this. So over the next two years I underwent 21 courses of chemotherapy and had three operations.

Eventually I was able to return to school and made many new friends. Much to my surprise I could finally walk normally, and my left leg looked perfectly normal. Better still, I was able to host another ceremony in this new high school.

But life sometimes has a way of mocking us. Walking down some stairs one day  I fell, and on the way to see the doctor I was quite sure there could be only one outcome of this meeting: my left leg would have to be amputated. However, the doctor presented some treatment ideas that would allow me to keep the leg. The drawback was that such treatment was not only very risky but very expensive as well.

I said the leg could be chopped off, and the doctor said that might be the best thing to do, as long as I could cope with the psychological and social pressures. I made my decision very calmly, because I knew things could not be worse, and I was determined that this was just one more battle I would win.

Now, six years later, I have come through all these difficulties, and I am back to those days where yet again I have dreams to fulfill. I am studying something I love, the art of broadcasting and hosting. What’s more, I did a lot of public speaking in the 19th Asian Games English star competition recently. It was the first time I had told my stories in public, and one of the judges said how great it was to see me healed and telling stories confidently.

After six years fighting this battle I have come out on top. I have gained a lot of strength and many powers along the way, and I want to tell you a little about that.

 I know the world can be a very tough place; it’s not all fairytales. I have been so lucky to be able to find the strength and fortitude to deal with all of this, and I can tell anyone still struggling against difficulties: have faith in yourself and do not let bad moments drag you down. Just hang on and you will come through.

To the beautiful young lady who failed to get into graduate school I say: there are so many others choices you can make that will give you a good life. Your journey has been tough, but you should not waste all that you have learned along the way.

To that handsome man who was suffering from a strange disease I say: the world is unfair, but don’t let that get you down. Let every minute count and you will find that pain you have endured is just a small part of your life. It is up to you to paint the blank parts of life’s canvas.

I would tell those dissatisfied with life: find the spark to light up the darkness, and soon it will be like savoring the smell of delicious food or like enjoying the smile on the faces of those you love. As you look forward to those things, change your life, and do so bravely.

And to those who have struggled and suffered, I say: even in the gutter, hope appears as we see others looking to the stars. Never lose hope.

And finally let me return to that obsession of mine, Lonely Warrior. The lyrics I really love in that are those that say a hero isn’t always someone who stands in the light.

Many bad things happen in life, but they do not mean we should give up. All the ways to fight tough battles were meant to be lonely.

You need to go through all this by yourself. Others may give you strength, but only you can win the battle. And when you do, a crack will appear in the room of darkness, and light will begin to pour in.

The French dramatist Romain Roland once put it so wisely: “There is only one heroism in the world: to see the world as it is and to love it.”

我曾仰望星空，也曾坠入深渊

身在低谷，自渡是我的解药

苦难不值得歌颂，但勇敢的我们值得