姐妹们，教教我应该怎么帮助孩子？

孩子7年纪，在band里play saxophone. 他刚给我发了email如下。我应该找老师吗？应该怎么跟孩子谈话呢？Mr C 是老师，E 是孩子好朋友。 Mr. C has stated time and time again that he seeks for us only to be successful. Yet he is getting in the way of that. Today during class I asked E for help with a complicated note on my saxophone that I did not know how to play. Yet when he was showing me how to play it, Mr. C yelled at us to stop TALKING. Yet not a word was said during our correspondence. This is not the first time something like this has happened. One time this caused me to get kicked out of jazz band practice a few minutes early, because I did not play when I was supposed to, because I did not catch the instructions the first time around, and I just happened to be sitting next to E. So we got kicked out. For doing nothing. Mr. C seems to have some biases against us anyway. There is a group of girls in our class who are constantly disruptive and talk all the time. They get yelled at every day, but are never punished for their behavior. Yet Mr. C comes down HARD on E and I whenever we do anything during class. It’s unfair, and I have a theory about why. I’m almost positive that one of the girls is a family friend of Mr. C, so the group is saved by nothing but nepotism. There are many times where E has gotten in trouble, but I have not. Mr. C tends to reference these times because apparently it is my responsibility to stop E. Why is it my responsibility to stop my friend from talking when I am not doing the troublesome act? Most of the time it is E dragging me down with him, and BOTH of us ending up in trouble. This is unfair and unacceptable.

那就不要说话不要给老师抓到借口 同时跟老师进行沟通了解情况

tataguru 发表于 2024-02-20 14:15
孩子7年纪，在band里play saxophone. 他刚给我发了email如下。我应该找老师吗？应该怎么跟孩子谈话呢？Mr C 是老师，E 是孩子好朋友。 Mr. C has stated time and time again that he seeks for us only to be successful. Yet he is getting in the way of that. Today during class I asked E for help with a complicated note on my saxophone that I did not know how to play. Yet when he was showing me how to play it, Mr. C yelled at us to stop TALKING. Yet not a word was said during our correspondence. This is not the first time something like this has happened. One time this caused me to get kicked out of jazz band practice a few minutes early, because I did not play when I was supposed to, because I did not catch the instructions the first time around, and I just happened to be sitting next to E. So we got kicked out. For doing nothing. Mr. C seems to have some biases against us anyway. There is a group of girls in our class who are constantly disruptive and talk all the time. They get yelled at every day, but are never punished for their behavior. Yet Mr. C comes down HARD on E and I whenever we do anything during class. It’s unfair, and I have a theory about why. I’m almost positive that one of the girls is a family friend of Mr. C, so the group is saved by nothing but nepotism. There are many times where E has gotten in trouble, but I have not. Mr. C tends to reference these times because apparently it is my responsibility to stop E. Why is it my responsibility to stop my friend from talking when I am not doing the troublesome act? Most of the time it is E dragging me down with him, and BOTH of us ending up in trouble. This is unfair and unacceptable.

在孩子面前，淡化这件事。然后当妈的，到band里做义工。band里缺一点什么，捐！大部分人心都是肉长的，会对你家孩子好的，别问我怎么知道的。 真的，有的老师就是不喜欢男娃，或者某种类型的娃

quit band

第一 要求孩子尽量做到最好，不要让老师抓到不好的地方 第二 家长去band做义工 第三 舍得捐钱

"Most of the time it is E dragging me down with him, and BOTH of us ending up in trouble." 从这个描述，基本可以确定肯定是有实锤的，曾经俩孩子犯错误被老师抓住，所以给老师留下了不好的印象，只要看到他俩一起叽叽咕咕，或者没有按照老师的要求play，就条件反射他俩又在一起干嘛了。你还是跟孩子好好聊一聊，可以问一下，能不能物理距离隔开，不要坐在一起

回复 1楼 的帖子
band练习不应该讲话，不要跟E 坐一起。如果老师再找麻烦，那就是老师的问题。

nodistance 发表于 2024-02-20 16:15
回复 1楼 的帖子
band练习不应该讲话，不要跟E 坐一起。如果老师再找麻烦，那就是老师的问题。

同这个，暂时不要在band时与E讲话，看老师怎么做。

先让孩子课堂上不要跟别的小孩说话，follow instructions，再看看老师怎么做。 自己犯错，很难用别人犯错没得到同样的惩罚来argue。

你娃难的note不会，问E肯定说话了。还有第一次没听懂、该弹不弹，确实被老师抓了小尾巴也无话可说啊。要我说，就先劝他做好自己、离E远一点。如果还受不公平待遇，妈妈会力挺他。

和E分开坐，不要说话， 看看老师还会不会针对他。

老师偏心自己认识的家长的娃，我们家的也抱怨过（校长的女儿在同班，说那个女生可以任何课想跟谁坐一起老师都会那么安排座位，平时不该说话时候说话啥的老师也不会管），无解。
唯一能做的就是自己做好，不做能被老师抓到小辫子的事儿，有不会的note, 举手问老师，别问E，或者课前先问问老师，如果过程中有不会的，老师觉得应该怎么做。 合练的时候说话，或者该演奏的时候不演奏，肯定是不对的。 “ because I did not play when I was supposed to, because I did not catch the instructions the first time around, and I just happened to be sitting next to E.” 这里的三个原因，前两个是客观发生的：老师讲解没听，该演奏的时候没演奏，就光这两点老师批评就没不妥。最后那点，咋能证明是老师批评的原因？感觉只是拉来垫背的理由。
这件事，目标只能是怎么让你孩子打破老师的坏印象（如果有的话），跟老师沟通好如果遇到不会的情况，怎么解决才最不影响整个乐队的排练。 为什么会“I did not catch the instructions the first time around”，老师说话的时候他在干嘛，为啥没catch到？ 为什么会发生“I did not play when I was supposed to”? getting into trouble具体是发生了啥？让他说说具体发生了啥，聊聊看以后再发生类似情况，怎么能做到最佳解，而不是笼统的讲。
其实老师对女生的惩罚力度/频率小于男生很常见，无论是不是family friend的孩子。不过就算是老师严重偏心， 你解决问题的目标是老师对偏爱小组和你家孩子+E不偏心的话，那基本无解。 不过也让他认识一下，社会就是这样的，领导/老师就是会偏心，自己能做的就是把自己该做的做到最好。

不会的note要么当时举手问老师，要么事后请教老师，反正不能问同学，尤其是老师不喜欢的同学。 要是认真的音乐娃自己应该有自己的乐器老师，也可以问乐器老师。 band老师偏心一般是偏向她/他觉得弹奏好的孩子，你娃要是自己找私教提高一下水平恐怕老师也会偏心你娃，这个比去学校捐款还有用。

我就会跟孩子说这就是社会，别人违反规则不被惩罚不代表你也行，他自己都知道那个女孩是老师朋友家孩子，这是你捐真金白银也买不来的。有的老师就是讨厌男孩子，这太常见不过了。所以就不要讲小话，老老实实的

心平氣和地和孩子討論怎麽後續處理，learn from it，而不是judge或者非要搞出來一個是非曲直。 兩件事情： 老師給的曲子，要提前練好了。這樣不會的地方，私下找誰（同學，私教，這位老師）搞定都可以。 平時和老師要有互動，或者說small talks，讓老師認識你娃，留意到有這麽一個人，這樣有事情發生的時候就不會給小鞋穿。（都是人，對熟悉的人就是會網開一面，這個沒有辦法。我家娃，其他功課考試都很好，唯有體育課，老師喜歡外向型孩子和平時和他聊得多的孩子。有一次家長會，我家娃正好生病在家，立刻就留意到那位老師喜歡我家娃，那位不care。這位體育老師就連我孩子沒上學都沒留意到。我家娃其實還是學校足球隊的主力。所以我家娃就是平均分。這個也是沒有辦法。幸好考大學不算體育成績。）

让娃想清楚 去band是为了得到啥？ 喜欢成为honor 学生，就要知道老师喜好；实在和老师不投缘，换个学校乐队或者校外乐队混；假如只是喜欢群体活动，不喜欢练琴，跟得上就可以，老师态度也不重要，在乎的是群体活动热闹的感觉。我家娃 band里被老师吼了无数次，非honor学生，还是牛皮糖一样不肯脱离学校乐队活动，也不肯多练习。

直接联系老师，说孩子有些note不知道，或者instruction不理解，打算补课，是否老师那边有resouce可以推荐一下，如果老师愿意开小课，那就更好了
同时因为那些不理解的地方，在乐队练习的时候，孩子应该问谁，或者当场应该怎么处理
另外问问如何查看乐队需要volunteer或者helper的地方，你非常想帮忙

上课期间不该私下交流，凡事都该课后再交流。老师没有那么多时间来分辨具体情况。就是这么简单。

hjoyui 发表于 2024-02-20 14:35
在孩子面前，淡化这件事。然后当妈的，到band里做义工。band里缺一点什么，捐！大部分人心都是肉长的，会对你家孩子好的，别问我怎么知道的。 真的，有的老师就是不喜欢男娃，或者某种类型的娃

这位是高手👍

whatever. 发表于 2024-02-20 19:43
直接联系老师，说孩子有些note不知道，或者instruction不理解，打算补课，是否老师那边有resouce可以推荐一下，如果老师愿意开小课，那就更好了
同时因为那些不理解的地方，在乐队练习的时候，孩子应该问谁，或者当场应该怎么处理
另外问问如何查看乐队需要volunteer或者helper的地方，你非常想帮忙

这个处理也很好